A BETTER MOTHER
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or because I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him or her and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child sent to me through fate, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known the pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by a fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed, I have succeeded, I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it and join them in theirs. I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth that life can be beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes from walking in these shoes. Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.